When you first began thinking about welcoming a dog to the family, you may have pictured the Idyllic image of family walks in the sunset - dog trotting alongside you with occasional frolic in the long grass, your children skipping along enjoying the fresh air whilst you walk hand in hand with your partner. Yet the reality you now live is your kids are running ahead, the dog dragging on the lead to get to them, and you & your significant other at loggerheads – cue wondering whose idea it was to get a dog in the first place!?!?
Welcoming a puppy or older dog into the home is often more challenging and lot more work than we expect, so it’s easy for your idyllic image to turn into a stressful reality. I’ve been there!
Whether you choose a puppy or a new dog, it will require a lot of your attention to help him learn how to live in our world, how to walk nicely, not bark at others or being overenthusiastic when meeting people on the path – the workload is often likened to a full-time job or having a new baby.
Children - no matter their age - also need lots of attention, time and input from you.
Therefore, it is normal to feel like you are neglecting the needs of one or both as you strive to be the best parent to your children AND the best human for your dog – and you begin to wonder if a recipe for success exists!
It’s certainly a long journey to travel and there will be bumps, twists and turns along the way. Here are some of the things I have discovered on my journey through my own and other people’s experiences.
No matter what they promise, children are rarely capable of being the main caregiver for a dog. Dogs need lots of time, care, attention and money. Whilst children want the joy of having a dog, the main responsibility HAS to fall upon the parent and, whatever jobs your children say they will do, you have to be ready to pick up the slack and ensure each task is done to suit your dog’s needs.
With most children the novelty of having a dog will wear off, whether permanently or temporarily. This may be because the cute puppy is now fully grown, their own reality does not meet expectations (it’s not like the dog on the TV or in their favourite book), the responsibility is more than they could comprehend, their lives change as their dog grows (school changes, exams, uni, clubs etc result in less time).
Kids will be kids and dogs will be dogs - no matter how well-behaved your children are, they need to run, shout, play and explore. Depending on their emotional development, they may not be able to take turns, wait, think about others just yet. They can’t always take into account your dog’s needs and requirements, and adapt their behaviour accordingly.
Whether we refer to our dogs as our fur-babies, or treat them as ‘human’, your dog is an animal! Despite being highly intelligent with thoughts and feelings, there is a limit to their understanding of emotions. Whilst our dogs can interpret basic emotions such as happiness, excitement, fear, comfort – they cannot feel guilt, spite, etc. They learn through consequences and prior experiences.
Many problems develop when we forget to take into account the differing needs of both children and dogs, and how they may conflict each other in certain times or situations. We therefore fail to recognise that our dog won’t simply ‘fit in’ with our life – no matter how perfect your children or dog seem, adjustments and accommodations to your lifestyle and time WILL be needed to create a successful happy family.
If you’re out for a family walk and your children are off running or scooting/cycling ahead while your on-lead dog is pulling like mad – it’s not their fault or a training issue – they want to join in with the children and there is NO WAY they can get lead work right in that situation!
TOP TIPS
- Set yourself specific times to dedicate to each individual and focus on just one person/dog’s need at a time. This could be:
- Leaving your dog at home for the school run to allow you to focus on your children having a good experience of going to/from school – and equally preventing your dog from getting over-excited, pulling, jumping on the lead and becoming stressed!
- Go out for a walk alone and leave your dog at home – enjoy a relaxing walk yourself without having to always be thinking about recall or training not to pull. Your dog can practise being home alone and catch on some sleep, while their human feels more refreshed and relaxed upon their return.
- Set aside a small 10 minute window to go out with your dog and practise a skill – you remain focused, your dog only has to work hard to get it right for a few minutes – all round success.
- Drive to walk your dog in a more relaxed quiet place. You may have to drive there, but the overall experience will be more successful than a quick yet busy/stressful walk around the block.
- Always aim to create situations where everyone can succeed – if your kids want to cycle, leave the dog at home!
- Training the children – teach them what their responsibility is to help and support the dog. This leads to more caring children, a happier dog, and successful walks/training.
- Mutual respect – we often focus on our dog learning how to behave around children/people but not the other way round. Teaching your children from as young as possible (even if you don’t have a dog) how to interact with, understand, respect and therefore enjoy a dog is more important than you may think.
These accommodations won’t be forever, as your dog and children settle into their new lives together and both mature, many of these points will develop naturally - but in those first few years it’s important to set everyone up for a future of success.