If you wanted to meet new friends and make new connections, would you go to a stranger’s party and try and make friends with everyone there? I wouldn’t – instead I would want to meet one or two new faces in a quiet, relaxed setting and build a strong friendship with them first. After all, haven’t we all learnt as we’ve got older that it’s the quality of friendships that count not the quantity.
Yet with our dogs we don’t seem to apply the same logic. Instead, we take them to the park or to the field on a busy weekend day and expect them to integrate with hundreds of dogs at busy meet up groups and get along with every dog they meet.
Personally, I can’t think of anything worse. It’s like putting a group of 50 kids together and expecting there to be no tantrums, no tears and for harmony to reign – we all know that wouldn’t be the case.
Think of the school playground – you have the kids that like playing football, the kids that like surrounding themselves with all of their friends and the kids that enjoy spending time sat by themselves in a quite space, the confident pushy ones and the shy nervous ones. Now if we were to put each one of those kids in a room together would it go well? Would they all enjoy it? Would they all feel comfortable?
Our dogs are individuals and they have different personalities and needs just the same as we do. I’m sure if you looked at who you enjoy spending time with you would notice that there are certain personality types that you gravitate towards. If you think about what your perfect day with a friend would be, it will differ for each person - for some it would be a quite stroll in the woods surrounded by nature and peaceful thoughts, for others it may be a high adrenaline day out at a theme park chasing that adrenaline rush and others surrounding themselves with as many people as possible. None of them are wrong, it simply comes down to what is right for that individual.
I am quite happy to admit that I don’t like every person I meet – yet we expect our dogs to get along with every dog they meet regardless of size, gender or temperament. I know with my own dogs that they don’t get along with every dog they meet; they both have their preferences over gender or breed of dog they prefer and that’s okay.
You may well ask, what this has to do with social meet ups? Well, if you take your dog(s) along to a mass group gathering with lots of other dogs with differing personalities, sizes, breeds, ask yourself - what is your expectation? Often it is that they get along with every dog (and human), have a wonderful time and meet lots of new friends.
However, maybe we should instead ask –
Does that quiet shy puppy enjoy their time?
Does the rather enthusiastic dog learn social skills?
When interacting, does one dog have a better time than the other?
Often what owners think they are witnessing isn’t the case. A dog’s feelings can be misread both by other dogs and humans, and what we think they are learning is actually the opposite. Our dog is not necessarily having the positive time we think they are.
I much prefer building a small friendship group for my dogs, meeting just one or two dogs at a time, all with complimentary personalities, good social skills and mutual respect in a controlled setting where equally each human present is relaxed, able to give 100% attention to their dog and intervene where appropriate to ensure all dogs have a good experience.
Social skills for our dogs involve so much more than just tearing round a field together. A strong foundation of polite social skills is learning to ignore other dogs, learning to simply be together and have a good sniff without constantly playing/chasing, where both parties are happy and comfortable having that social interaction need met whilst remaining calm and being able to make good decisions.
So if you are considering whether or not to visit a busy dog meet up, stop and think whether it is this the right environment for your dog OR would your dog prefer just making a couple of new friends over time.
To discover more about how dog’s communicate, take a look at our Canine Body Language courses