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When your dog doesn't quite fit in with your life
09/04/2023 - Training
When you think about the reasons why you decided to welcome a dog into your family, your list probably included things like companionship, long walks, trips to the sea and days out, your dog curled up by the open fire while you enjoy a pint or two in the pub after a long day’s walk.
Of course you know that these things won’t happen overnight, as it will take time to nurture your puppy, help them grow and develop and expose them to the world and help them prepare for the life you want to lead together. But, after a year or so, you expect the dream will become a reality.
So what if it all goes wrong? What if your dog isn’t able to do all these things?
We rarely consider the possibility and consider what we’ll do if we can’t lead the life we’d imagined together.
My first dog, Leo, was that dream dog – he lived the life we’d hoped for, came everywhere with us, was never trouble or an inconvenience, sat at a pub bench for hours, curled up by a fire, never barked, could do off lead, came when called – he was perfect!
Was it down to my training and nurturing? Hell no!
Leo was a rehome at nearly 3 and we never did a day of training - it was pure LUCK that his character and disposition allowed us to share the perfect life together.
Did it make me think it was easy and all my future dogs would be the same? YES!
Since Leo, I’ve raised three puppies. None of them has been as easy as Leo was – each has had his own challenges in very different ways. I’ve had one frustrated greeter (who wants to say hi to EVERYONE), one with emotional/anxiety issues, and one who has struggled with confidence and needs time to process. Each of my puppies has taught me so much more than having the ‘perfect’ dog ever did.
I know how challenging it can be if your dog doesn’t become the one you’ve imagined…. He pulls on walks, can’t be off lead, doesn’t settle in the pub, barks incessantly and is an absolute embarrassment to take out and causes arguments between you and your kids or spouse.
Something to remember is that we often enter into the dog/human relationship with a biased view. We plan all the ways our dog will fit into OUR life and we rarely consider how we can adapt our life to fit in with THEIR needs.
What then – what do we do when your dream dog doesn’t turn out the way you’d hoped?
A popular choice is to simply rehome the dog. They don’t do what we’d expected or wanted – it may be a drastic decision, but for many dogs this may be the best option. If you are unable to adapt your life to meet their needs, the kindest thing for them may be to find them a new home that can do so.
Another option is to continue as you are, battling your two worlds, confusion from your dog’s perspective as to why these things aren’t acceptable, and frustration or embarrassment from yours – apologising as you go to everyone you meet.
The final choice - and this is a radical one - how about stopping to think in a different way? Look at the world from your dog’s perspective and learn to accept that you have the dog you have, not the dog you wanted. The best course of action is to make changes, make allowances, adapt your life to ensure your dog can live their best life.
It’s no different to going against the grain or expectations of your family, you can either stay at logger heads or accept your child is never following in your footsteps and is carving their own path in life.
With all my current dogs I have to do just the above, accept them for who they are and make changes to ensure each of them can live their best life.
Is it disappointing that I can’t do the things I’d planned? Of course.
Rather than mourning the dreams I had for my ‘perfect’ dogs, I focus on their individual needs and celebrate their own successes – big or small. I don’t expect them to fit in to café trips, busy ‘dog friendly’ days out, pubs etc, instead I plan activities that will be most suitable for them and so they can enjoy themselves and have fun!
It may be disappointing and frustrating when you see the perfect dog sat at the café and you wish yours could be the same. But remember, by leaving them at home and taking them for a nice sniffy walk later you are accommodating THEIR needs, ensuring their experiences are fun and enjoyable and being the best dog parent you can be by prioritising their well-being over convenience.