Today I'm sharing something pretty personal: how my gorgeous but complicated Fox Red Lab didn't just change how I train dogs, he completely transformed how I understand and support my neurodivergent family. And what a journey it's been!
When Rem Bounced Into Our Lives
Back in 2019, we welcomed this bundle of energy into our family. If you're part of our Potter Paws community, you might know bits of Rem's story - the separation anxiety, his intense attachments to certain people and his spectacular talent for getting overwhelmed. For seven whole months, this boy was glued to my side and I mean literally everywhere. Work, shopping, even the loo! If I couldn't take him, he'd transfer all his focus to my mum or husband with this "well, you'll do since mum's not here" attitude.
Learning to Speak Rem's Language
Instead of seeing Rem as 'difficult' or 'naughty', I started looking at why he did things. I noticed that when he gets overwhelmed, he circles. It's his way of coping. Rather than trying to stop it (which would be about as useful as telling someone to "just calm down"), I learned to work with him. A bit of deep pressure therapy as he circles, pop on his special jacket and suddenly we were speaking his language.
It occurred to me that behind every behaviour there's a feeling and behind every feeling there's a need. It sounds obvious but it really was a game-changer.
When Dog Training Met Parenting
Everything I learned from Rem started clicking into place with my autistic daughters. During lockdown, something remarkable happened: we saw our eldest daughter come back to herself. There wasn’t the usual stress, upset and bad moods. Why? Because the overwhelming environment of school was taken away. It was like a lightbulb moment: we wouldn't force an anxious dog into stressful situations so why were we forcing our children into environments they couldn't handle?
So we made a decision that probably shocked a few people. Our eldest is now 15 and hasn't been to secondary school at all. When people ask "but what about GCSEs?", honestly? I couldn't give a monkey's about a piece of paper. What I care about is my children's mental health and happiness.
Then my youngest started struggling too. She'd refuse school, clinging to her bedpost with incredible strength, saying "I'm not going and you can’t make me." Initially, I made her go. I'd be sat in the car crying after drop-off, worrying all day, then dealing with the fallout at home after school. Until I thought: hang on, what would I do if it were a dog? I wouldn't force a terrified dog into the vet's so why am I doing this to my child?
Both girls are now home educated, in an environment where they can actually succeed. Just like with dogs, we always say "practice where they can get it right" - start in the garden, then the house, build up slowly. Why should it be any different with children?
Understanding Individual Needs
Just like Rem needs:
- His pressure therapy
- Regular decompression time
- Consistent routines
- Understanding of his quirks
- Safe spaces to be himself
My daughters need similar support. These aren't "special accommodations" and it’s not about being difficult. They're basic needs that should be respected.
Changing How We Work
This journey with Rem has completely transformed how we approach training at Potter Paws. We don't just look at behaviours anymore. We look at the whole dog, their emotions, their needs, their individual character. Yes, we could probably force quick fixes but at what cost to their emotional wellbeing?
I've tried everything with Rem, from chiropractic treatment, massage and cranial osteopathy to calming products and even pyjamas when he was a pup! Some might call it odd (and trust me, I've had some looks!) but it taught me to be open to different approaches, both with dogs and humans.
The Biggest Lesson
Sometimes our greatest teachers come with four paws and a wagging tail. Rem might be "just a dog", but he's taught me that when we lead with understanding and acceptance, whether we're working with dogs or humans, that's when the real magic happens.
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